EPIC iFAIL

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I arrived an hour and a half prior to opening with a friend to wait in line. Soon the AT&T "auditor" lady walked by, took our numbers and informed us that we did not "qualify" for the $199 offer. I told her I believed she was mistaken, as an AT&T employee that I could see on the other side of the glass wall had told me not two weeks prior that I WAS qualified. She conceded that her Blackberry didn't have all the information, and could infact be wrong.
Finally a little after 8:30 I got in the door an asked for my 8 GB black iPhone. The sales person politely replied "$399 plus tax." I informed her that her coworker not twenty feet away had informed me that I WAS infact eligible. She responded with a smile that she would check with her manager.
A few minutes later I start to get uneasy as three managers hover around her screen. As suddenly as they all appeared, instantly they were gone, save one standing over the saleperson's shoulder. She kindly apologized and said that infact I did not qualify for the upgrade.
I contain my frustration, however my resolve is in good order. I inform her that if that's the case - at which point I pause to let her change her mind - then I will indeed pay full price for the gadget my heart so desires. After all, I had sold my original iPhone for $330 just a couple of weeks ago to fund my upgrade addiction, so what's $70 for the premiere gadget of it's time?
She sadly shakes her head and replies, "No, I mean you don't qualify for the iPhone."
My mouth slowly opens, as disbelief hits me like a tidal wave. "She must have misunderstood me," I thought to myself.
I reiterate to her "No, I understand that I can't get the $199 deal. I'll just have to pay the full $399."
In steps the manager who was lurking behind the sweet young sales lady. He informs me that for some reason my account has an "upgrade" button that is not selected, and he has zero authority to push said button. I implore him to try something, anything. He replies:
"I'm sorry sir, there's nothing I can do. You have to call customer service. I'm sorry, but you must leave the building now."
Wait, have I lost my mind? I haven't been kicked out of anything since Dairy Queen in highschool for dumpster diving! - someone threw my keys in there, what was I supposed to do??
Stunned I walk out the building, empty handed, as other lucky souls file in to fill my void.
Now I'll do my best to summarize the next three hours into as few words as possible.
After 20 minutes with customer support I learn that indeed the $199 price is for new customers and customers renewing a contract with less than a year remaining. The $399 price tag is reserved for those who *almost* have had their service a year - and as such qualify for an "early upgrade." Anyone who doesn't fall into one of these categories is simply up a creek without a paddle. Poor fools.
But alas! I am not one of those, my contract meets its one year aniversary in just over two months! Just as I thought, I qualify! Not for the $199 mind you, but for the $399. Fine and dandy, I'll still take it. Customer support notates my account that I can indeed purchase an iphone.
I travel back to the store, which is ofcourse now sold out of iPhones. I'm calm and collected and decide that I will simply order one and wait patiently for 3 - 5 business days.
Not so fast. Shoulder lurking manager is back. I inform him of the conversation I've just had, with the slight smirk of victory on my face.
His face may as well have been stone, as he slowly shakes his head back and forth and tells me that I still cannot purchase a phone from them. Not even order a phone.
Another call to customer service.
This time I speak to a "manager" - who strangely sounded about 15 years younger than both the previous support personel, but who am I to judge age.
She puts me on hold, and after half an hour of pure torture listening to AT&T propaganda while waiting - if any of you want to know the new "Hot summer deals" I can certainly help you out - she returns. Apparently she can't even get ahold of my local AT&T shop, however she's called the next closest one - a mere 25 miles away - and arranged for me to purchase one there. However they too are now out of stock.
At this point I'm pretty fed up. I kindly ask her what the fee is to terminate my account. She informs me that it is $175.
LIGHTBULB.
"So what if I cancel my account, pay $175, then get a new account... do I qualify for the $199 price point?"
... *pause* ...
"... yes." comes the reply.
Quick mental math: $175 + $199 = $374. Yes, that's right, $25 cheaper than just paying full price for the cursed phone. Plus the added glory of getting to cancel my service, though be it for only a few moments.
I thank her for her help and head off to the AT&T store, yet again.
At this point they have my favorite espresso drink waiting - we're old friends, we go back.
Everything looks great for me to order in a new iPhone, with a new account.
But wait.
They won't take the $300 cash that I have in my hand. They need a credit card. The one that I drained by $300 so that I would have the money for the iPhone. Leaving me with $200 in my account.
$200 is not $374. I can't have my iPhone.
Not yet.
I will get it, doubt me not.
The demons of the iPhone - or perhaps more accurately AT&T - shall not prevail.

Posted by: doctorevii2001   Posted on: 07/11/08 You are currently: a Guest | Members login | Terms of Use

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