Surprise! There will be a PDC 2008 after all

TalkBack 1 of 1:

• Thread View
• Flat View

Microsoft speaks in code (satire)

.
I understand that some of you are confused by the language Microsoft uses. Well, you are not alone. And, I'm here to help.

It's true. Microsoft DOES speak in code. But, if you understand the code, you can still understand what Microsoft is trying to say. So, as a public service, I offer the "Microsoft Communication Translation Table":



MICROSOFT COMMUNICATION TRANSLATION TABLE



The early October 2007 PDC is postponed

Translation: The early October 2007 PDC is cancelled and rescheduled for late October 2008.



The WGA activation servers had a problem but it was quickly corrected and there was no outage.

Translation: The WGA activation servers malfunctioned because buggy software was installed on them, and there was a sustained outage for 20 hours, and thousands of customers around the globe were denied activation, and were falsely accused of piracy and of not running "genuine" Microsoft software.



We want OOXML to be an open standard

Translation: We want OOXML to be accepted by everyone as a standard. But, we cannot promise we won't change our products so they don't conform to the standard and we cannot promise our applications will work with the standard if it changes in the future. But, like we said, we want OOXML to be accepted by everyone as an open standard.



"Vista Capable" PC

Translation: The computer won't run Vista with Aero, the principal reason you were interested in buying a Vista PC.



"Vista Ready" PC

Translation: More capable than "Vista Capable".



Vista requires at least an 800 MHz processor and 512 MB of RAM

Translation: To get the "Wow", Vista requires at least a 2 GHz dual-core processor, 2 GB of RAM, and a fast video-game quality video card with at least 128 MB of VRAM.



"Vista is Ready Today"

Translation: Please don't wait for SP1! Wall Street is watching us!



Vista is the best version of Windows we have ever created

Translation: Vista won't run a lot of your Windows-compatible software well or at all. Vista will not work well or at all with a lot of your Windows-compatible hardware and peripherals. Vista generally runs slower on a 1GB PC than Windows XP does. Oh yeah: Vista is really pretty (oooh! ahhh!).



Beta 1 Release

Translation: Clean compile.



Release Candidate 2

Translation: Alpha release.



"Gold Code" GA release

Translation: Beta release.



Service Pack 2 Release

Translation: GA release.



Windows Genuine Advantage

Translation: A great new system where paying customers are put to work for free helping Microsoft defeat the pirates and make more billions of dollars.



Reduced functionality mode

Translation: Kill switch.



We are not raising the price of Windows

Translation: The street price of a Windows 95 at launch was $89 and the street price of Windows Vista Ultimate at launch was $279.



Windows is not a monopoly

Translation: Windows only runs on about 90% of computers globally. Microsoft only gets about 70% of all software revenue and profits globally.



The DOJ remedy has corrected the monopoly abuse problem

Translation: Microsoft's dominance over the software industry has been severely restrained. Annual revenue only grew from $28.4B to $51.1B between 2002 and 2007.



Microsoft will keep its software development inside the United States

Translation: Microsoft is opening up large development centers in India, China, and Canada and will employ thousands of engineers there.



There is a shortage of software engineers in America

Translation: We want more inexpensive H-1B visa workers.



Microsoft/Novell Windows-Linux interoperability cooperation agreement

Translation: Novell agrees that Linux has infringed on 235 unspecified Microsoft patents.



Microsoft/Novell Windows-Linux Interoperability Lab

Translation: A small 2500 square foot office in Cambridge, Massachusetts that Microsoft uses as "Siberia" to send four condemned Softies each winter. The first crew will be the brainiacs who thought up "reduced functionality mode".



Silverlight is the cross-platform and cross browser plugin that lights up the web

Translation: Silverlight runs best on Windows, a little on Mac OS X, and it won't run at all on Linux or Unix. And, it means Microsoft is setting up Novell to develop Moonlight all on its own without any Silverlight code. When it doesn't work well, Microsoft will cite it as another example of where Linux is not a good operating system and customers should stick with Windows.



Plays For Sure

Translation: A new digital music service that will not "play at all" on Microsoft's premiere Zune music player.



Your potential. Our passion.

Translation: Your money. Our passion.



I hope this translation table helps you communicate better with Microsoft. Have a great day all...especially you Softies!

Posted by: TechExec2   Posted on: 12/06/07 You are currently: a Guest | Members login | Terms of Use

Alert moderator to an offensive message

Subscribe to this discussion via Email or RSS

SponsoredWhite Papers, Webcasts, and Downloads

• Building the Virtualized Enterprise with VMware Infrastructure VMware VMware virtualization software has been adopted by over 120,000 enterprise ... Download Now
• Virtualization: Architectural Considerations And Other Evaluation Criteria VMware Of the many approaches to x86 systems virtualization available in the ... Download Now
• The Impact of Virtualization Software on Operating Environments VMware Today's use of virtualization technology allows IT professionals to ... Download Now