Beware the 'pod slurping' employee

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Okay companies: be worried. Besides the popular iPods, the more popular cellphones your employees are walking around with are much, much more dangerous. Newer models include memory that can easily surpass 256 megs and can be attached to your network by your employees simply using provided USB cables to their Compaq or Dell PCs. And it doesnt stop there! Newer cellphone models are including megapixel digital cameras that can not only take pictures but videos too. Worse yet, they can easily be used as audio recorders!!

So, if your a company that is up to no good past the neckline of your nastiest-CEO-that-money-could-buy, be very scared of what your employees might provide the media or human rights groups about TODAY! Here are some suggestions that the Homeland Security Department and the Gatner Group have provided:

(1) Search employees before entering the building. Certain individuals may require strip searches. You can only find the right type of security personnel for this job from either the NSA or, better yet, from Kellogg Brown & Root, a subcontractor of the very pleasent Halliburton.

(2) Open and read internal emails and mail. This will help you find suspect employees. Only allow employees to use internal websites using Websense and prevent ALL Instant Messaging clients.

(3) Guard dogs. Use these to roam the parameter during work hours. This will prevent "runners" or employees taking lunch outside the company provided cafateria. Kellogg Brown & Root can provide food for your employees like they did our troops in Iraq or the victims of Katrina. KB&R will provide a cut of the overpriced food back to your companies investors.

(4) Razor wire. Stubborn employees may get past mauling by dogs and this should slow them down for option #5:

(5) Guard Towers. Man towers with sharpshooters and spotlights.

These may seem a little hard to swallow at first. But we live in tough times with terrorists and moralistic employees around every corner. Tough times call for tough measures.

Dick "Sure Shot" Cheney

Posted by: OhMyGosh   Posted on: 02/15/06 You are currently: a Guest | Members login | Terms of Use

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